This last week I had three tests in three days. That was quite tiring. But it is over for now. One of the tests was a final so I’m now officially done with vector calculus.
But my biggest complain about these math classes is me. By the time the calculus class ended I was ready to end all three classes but I still have two weeks in the discrete class and four weeks in the differential equations class but I feel burnt out already.
Hopefully with the weekend off I can try to recharge myself enough to get these last two classes done and be ready to head back to Blacksburg.
Other than the math things, there isn’t too much going on in my life. Three math classes kind of forces you to devote most of your time to it. Now it is getting closer on leaving Los Angeles for who knows how long, I need to start deciding on the things I need to do here before I leave.
I went to my fist convention. It was pretty fun, we only went for one day but i think I only needed one day at WonderCon. We went to a Wynonna Earp panel for the new show. I didn’t have any interest in it before the panel but afterward I’m in.
We also went to an Orphan Black panel cause Stephanie is a fan. It didn’t make me want to watch the show but the guys on the panel we pretty funny.
Sadly I ended up not buying anything. I did look for some Highlander swords but no one was selling them.
Today we all got together to scatter her ashes out into the Pacific, or in her own words she wanted to be “fish food”.
In addition to my wife’s ashes, my mother in law asked me to ask my Dad if he wanted to spread my grandfather ashes, my mom’s ashes. My dad said yes so by the end it ended up being the ashes of five people we scattered that Sunday morning.
my cousins grandfather
and a Thai man whose family asked us to scatter his ashes.
After the boat trip, Veena, my Dad, Piyapong, and I went to Acapulco for Sunday brunch while the rest of the family went looking for other places to eat. I think the four of us made the right choice.
I went back to EDD. It took another hour just to hand them a check for the over payment. You would think they would have an express line for people trying to give them money, but no. But at least it is done and I have receipt so if they ever try to say I owe them.
I went shopping. It was just so weird doing things alone. I know in time it will just be normal and I was shopping alone when I’m in Virginia. But here at home it is just feels weird. I know it will get better in time.
So my wife was on disability for the last two months of her life. They send her a debit card. Well it is in her name so I’m not going to use it. So I try to call EED, that is a complete waste. So I end up taking the train into the city and going to the EED office, I have a feeling that is the only way I’m going to get this solved. I get to the office and the line is out the door.
It takes me an hour to get to speak to someone, he tells me that it is ok that I use it but there has been an over payment. So now I need to head to the bank and deposit the money off the debit card and get a check for the over payment. That sounds pretty easy, of course is can’t go that easily.
The bank can’t take money from a debit card, so as I start looking for places that can give me the cash from the debit card and how much that will cost me, I find I can do it from the debit cards website. So it is actually that easy. I transfers all the money to my bank account, and get a check mad out for the over payment.
The only down side is that I need to make another trip into the city to do this.
Most things are the same, the service is the same except the English speakers aren’t speaking again except me. We have moved from the temple to the cemetery. Last night at the temple she wasn’t there only a picture of her, today her body is here. I couldn’t find her SWE pin but Stephanie was able to find a large B-2 pin. I asked is he was willing to lose this to the ages and she said yes. So when I went up to say good to my wife I pinned it on her dress, I also put in the fake money from the 99 Ranch, her frog travel pillow, a B-2 toy, her get well cards from her Northrop family. Thankfully Veena was with me to help me get through this.
After the service we moved into the crematorium and we said goodbye for the last time. Yolanda put her arm around me and made sure I would be ok. I may feel alone, but I know I’m not.
This is that beginning of the end for my wife. Tonight we celebrate her live and help her start her path into the afterlife. We are at Wat Thai of Los Angeles. It is a pretty simple service for a Thai Buddhist, just like she would have wanted. She was never one for fancy things.
Most of the service is in Thai and the prayers are chanted in Sanskrit. So I have no idea what is going on. This is a good thing for me since they omit me from any of the ceremony, which is fine.
The main part in English is our cousin Ann she talks about my wife’s life and then she repeats her entire speech in Thai for the Thai speakers. After she finishes Yolanda, one of my wife’s coworkers talks about my wife in a way most of us didn’t know.
Then it is my time to thank everyone for coming and to offer the food the family has prepared for the guests. I start off with thanking all the people from Northrop Grumman. Then I make a joke asking for a job when I’m done. I think where ever she is she is smiling at that. (I hope)
Tomorrow is another day except that day is the day I need to say goodbye
Most stories have a happy beginning. Mine did back in 1994 I was a young kid in high school and I met someone who quickly became a good friend and then we started dating the same day OJ ran. She put up with me while I was in the navy for 4 years and we moved in together when I got out and we went to college together. We had our rough patches but at the end of the day we were together. We eventually got married because I needed insurance and she needed a tax cut.
After some time I couldn’t find a teaching job in Southern California she pushed me to go back to school and start studying programming. She thought that I could do well at it. She was right, she always was right. At the SWE national conference in Houston I met Dr. Bev Watford of Virginia Tech and she talked me into applying and I did. I was accepted and I found myself moving across the country to go back to school while my wife would stay in Los Angeles.
My first semester at Tech my mom passed away from cancer. She had been fighting for four years but she was too tired to fight on and she gave up. I don’t blame her I doubt I would be strong enough to fight that long.
After my mom died I went back to Blacksburg and my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It has spread to her lungs. She told me to stay at school because “if something happens to me, you need to be able to take care of yourself.” She was right. It stayed in the back of my mind that I thought I had more time with her, but I was wrong. On January 5, 2016 she stopped breathing, she died in the hospital bed as I stood next to her.
I am alone. Not really, her cousin who was more like a sister to her was there. As soon as I called her mom her entire family came. I told my dad and all the feeling he had from my mom and my wife hit him. I told him to stay home I know he wanted to be there for his youngest son, but he needed to take care of himself at that moment.
Any time anyone asked me about our relationship, I simply said, she is my best friend… even now she still is.